Death is all around me these days. In flash backs and fast forwards. People I never knew and people I really did. So much of the world we live in and the flesh we live in is a mystery. We don't know what we are, where we came from or where were going. The whole human race is just a simple, violent, complicated and beautiful little ant farm. We call blue, blue because someone decided that's what it was for us. We've been fed lies and we feed them to others.
Death is so final, it might not be the end entirely for those that die. I'm 99.9% sure there is some kind of afterlife, but it is final for those left behind. We're still stuck in this little ant farm with all are little ant bullshit and we don't ever get to see the one we love again. In this life, in this body, we will never see them again. They are gone and lost to us. I could not live to turn 23 or I could live to be 90 years old and it won't change my version of forever. Forever is as far into the future as you can see. In a few hours I'll be going to my first funeral in four years, my third ever and I'm watching someone close to me plan a 4Th. I don't understand why. I don't believe people die so we can appreciate life, because death makes life less appreciable. It makes it weaker and harder and emptier. All life is divided between good days that go too fast and bad days that go too slow. I don't know where today will take me or how I'll feel 10 minutes from now but I know some of my loved ones are dead and the rest of us are all next. How do you like them apples?